QUESTION: We love our pastors and work closely with them to create a worship music set that’s appropriate for the message. However, they routinely ask us to incorporate a specific song that hasn’t “worked” with our congregation despite multiple attempts. Any advice on how to tactfully let my head pastor know a song that he selected doesn't seem to be working out?
REGI: Great question. This can be difficult to navigate! Here are some suggestions.
1. Be Proactive
If you can get the theme for an upcoming sermon series well in advance, you can offer several viable options that will work for the message as well as the congregation. You’ll be demonstrating deference while setting everyone up for success.
2. Be Positive
When your pastor recommends a song you think isn't optimal, respond by pointing out the positive aspects of his suggestion. Make sure he knows he's being heard and respected by saying "I see, you're suggesting this song because of such and such..." You could even ask what other songs had come to mind for that slot. The last thing your pastor wants to hear time and again is why his ideas won’t work.
3. Be Respectful
If this discussion is happening in the context of a staff meeting, you might consider getting with your pastor afterwards and offering some specific alternatives to his suggestions. When someone’s authority or expertise is challenged in a public setting, our instinct is to be defensive rather than seek win-win options.
4. Suggest Alternative Songs
Arrange a less public setting to play recordings of alternative songs, share the lyrics, and show how other songs could meet his goals. Explain that his specific song has not connected with the congregation previously so you're cautious about using it again without setting it up to be more effective.
5. Offer Alternative Settings
If it’s obvious that your pastor really, really, really wants to use a particular song in the service (and that your congregation doesn’t seem to want to sing it), look for other places in the service where it can win.
For example, use it as a “special” or offertory performed by a soloist, ensemble or choir. Create a multi-media experience using the song as a video soundtrack. Have a dance team perform to the track. Even better, you can use the song in all of these different settings over the course of the sermon series. Then after several weeks, your congregation may be more amenable to singing it in the service.
6. Don't Be Afraid To Fail
Okay, so you’ve done everything I’ve suggested and your pastor still insists on having the congregation sing it. Then simply do it the very best you can. If you’re not “all in,” then you’re shortchanging him and your congregation. If you don’t believe the song will succeed, neither will anyone else.
After each worship service, do a debrief with your whole team to evaluate the effectiveness of that song and the other elements of your set. Unless and until you can gracefully receive constructive criticism, you will be hard-pressed to offer it well.
So what if the song he suggested “bombs”? Like you’ve never had one of your songs bomb! Who knows—you might be surprised!
7. Relationships Trump Repertoire
Rather than thinking about this as an issue to address or a problem to solve, consider this as an opportunity for trust-building and team-building. Ask yourself what you can do to help your pastor learn to trust your expertise and experience. Oddly enough, trust-building is less about comparing credentials than it is about truly believing the other person has your back.
There’s always a great temptation to say, “I don’t tell you how to preach, so I’d appreciate it if you’d refrain from telling me how to lead worship.” This voice is not the Holy Spirit. Rather, it comes from the enemy of our souls trying to create division and strife. The Lord has called you and your pastor to work together to "feed his sheep." This cannot happen without trust and mutual respect.
All of these things take time and experiences—and successes and failures—to develop. The pastor and worship leader at a church near my home have been working together for more than 18 years. All aspects of this church continue to grow dramatically, and I believe it’s because these two leaders speak with one heart and one voice. Not incidentally, they go on a three-day fishing trip together every year. They’re not only colleagues, but also true friends. Invest in this area, and I guarantee you the song-selection issues will eventually take care of themselves.
Consistent and thoughtful worship service planning creates consistent and thoughtful worship services.
Let me know if any of these approaches work for you.
- Regi
For more than 15 years, Regi Stone has served as Discover Worship's creative heart. With more than 230 published songs and a dozen CD's to his credit, he has performed in hundreds of churches and led worship thousands of times. His Worship Weekend events equip and inspire local worship teams around the country. For more about Regi's music and ministry, go to registone.com.
